Ethan has been having night terrors on occassion and they terrify me as much as they do him. I am so disoriented when woken in the middle of the night by him screaming that it takes me a while before I realize what is going on. My heart stops for a moment but feels like much longer. He cries in a way I never hear him cry. I end up doing what you’re not supposed to do-wake him up. Last night I tried to have him lay back down and work through the terrors but he kept screaming and pulling on me that I was concerned something was wrong. In the process of checking him out, I think I woke him up and then he was upset and scared. Although he may have still been dreaming, it’s so hard to tell with babies. He did fall back to sleep very quickly. I sure didn’t.
We returned home from our trip safely-Ethan was better on the ride home but only slept forty-five minutes. I’m a little nervous about flying with him by myself at the end of July. Ethan turned nine months yesterday. I can’t believe that nine months ago, after a hurrican tore through town, my little guy was born. My life has changed so much in the past nine months. I love being his mom and hanging out with him all day. He has become like an appendage such that when I am without him I feel like I left something behind. I have not missed work even in the least. I know a lot of moms miss talking to their co-workers and being challenged in their field. I haven’t felt that way yet, though I’ve had several nightmares about having to go back to work. I would miss all the cute things that Ethan does and how quickly he changes. Today he figured out how to open his dresser drawer and pulled everything out. He recently aquired the taste for magazine pages and can’t get enough of it. He is starting to experiment with using furniture to cruise with-who knows he may start walking in the next month or so. (exciting but scary).
I didn’t think we would make it but we survived our 2 hour and 40 minute flight to St. Louis. We apparently did not give Ethan enough Benadryl and the fact that the flight was during his naptime did not phase him. He squirmed and wiggled the entire time. He made wailing sounds I don’t often hear except when he is very tired. Thankfully we landed an empty seat in our row so no one else had to suffer. We had to pass him back and forth until the last twenty minutes of the flight when he fell asleep from utter exhaustion. None of his favorite toys we brought interested him in the least. He wanted our soda cans or the in flight magazines. My husband, ever the paramedic says the dosage for Benadryl can be quite high if needed. I was hesitant to give him as much as George says we could but I think on the way back we will for sure. I am enjoying visiting a new city, though it is very hot. Our first day here I did my usual vacation outings-antiquing and going to the mall. George says we can leave now that we’ve done everything. Ha Ha. We are staying with friends who live in a neat old bungalow with stained glass in the windows and oak moldings. Quite my cup of tea. I wonder if they would notice a missing window or two and if they would fit on the plane?
Why has ellen been reruns the past few weeks? I feel so out of touch. What is going on with the animals in Ellens yard-what crazy thing has Housten been up to? I need Ellen in the morning like I need my cup of coffee. Where is she? How long will this last? I suppose I should enjoy the reruns and remember the good times like the incident with the Laker Girls, Housten tripping on the set, Ellen’s stand in and of course the jacuzzi thing (not to be mistaken with whirlpool tubs). Now that I think about it, Oprah has been repeats as well. Where is she? Is she and Ellen hanging out on the beach with Stedman, Ellen’s mom, and Housten? Hurry back! I need you guys to restore my sanity!!
Ethan has developed a reputation for going after others shoes. If I accidentally leave the door open to our bedroom, he crawls as fast as he can into our room and goes straight for my closet. When my friends are wearing flipflops or sandals he tries to take them off. I learned that in the church nursery this week all the shoes had to be kept away from Ethan. It is quite funny yet as a mother I find it worrisome. Is it some developmental process he is going through and should I not worry and expect that it will go away? I don’t hear about other babies eating peoples shoes. Is he part dog? As a cognitive-behaviorist I never paid much attention to Freud except in jokes but now I wonder what the long term Freudian implications are of Ethan eating shoes. I’ve been digging through my books from graduate school but so far have come up with nothing and no DSM IV TR diagnosis will fit except maybe Pica? He has other canine like features but I won’t go into them now as I am getting quite discouraged.
I’ve been thinking about doing a blog for a long time but like most things in my life, I never seem to get around to it. Just like I was going to join one of those baby sites where you can put pictures of your baby on for the world to see. Months went by before I realised I hadn’t done it and then Ethan was six months old. I decided to blog because I have so many questions and issues running around in my brain about being Ethan’s mom and the daily decisions that go along with it that I thought blogging would help to clear some of it up or at least organize it. Besides, talking about baby issues only once a week to my playgroup pals just doesn’t cut it for me. We are taking Ethan on a trip to St. Louis this week and we haven’t flown with him since he learned to crawl. I can only picture him squirming and trying to get down during our entire flight. I often expect the worst to happen while we are in public and it usually doesn’t. Maybe I should have more faith in him…
I am a stay at home mom, previously a psychotherapist with children and their families. I always thought I would continue working when I had children but after burning out from “compassion fatigue” in my work, staying home was an easy choice. I started this blog when my first child was about eight months old. Family and friends were continually asking for updates and pictures of his growth and development and I thought a blog would be a fun way to keep everyone updated.
As the years have gone on, the blog had changed a lot. My kids have suffered a lot from allergy, sinus, ear, and asthma problems so over the years as we struggled to figure out what was wrong, I have shared the confusion, tears, and fears on this blog. When my oldest was just shy of a year old, I began to realize I was struggling with post pardum depression. I struggled with this as well with my second son and I’ve shared these issues as well in the blog.
Now that the kids are older and not developing at such a fast rate (no more cute posts about their first words), I’ve been blogging more and more about what God is doing in my heart to change me into the mom he wants me to be. I’ve long struggled off and on with depression (aside from post pardum stuff) and the depressive episodes I have are often reflected in my posts. God is at work teaching me, molding me, changing me, disciplining me, and loving me in amazing ways and I enjoy sharing the journey on my blog.
I also have a heart and compassion for teaching and training my kids in the Lord. I have posts tagged as “Teach me Jesus” that are about the teaching times I have with the kids. Sometimes it’s an activity we’ve done to reinforce something we’re learning in God’s word, other times it’s a conversation or discipline moment where they are learning about what God has called us to.
Thank you for stopping by my blog, hope to hear from you as you join me in my journey of motherhood.
