Do you know my friend, Desiré from When You Rise? If you don’t, you need to:) She is guest posting here today. Desiré shares my heart and passion for teaching our children about Jesus and the only gospel that saves. In today’s post, she puts words to my own thoughts about all the parenting books that are out there.

“Do A, B and C and you’ll have a new kid by Tuesday!”

So I try… and I don’t.

<Sigh>

Parenting books can leave me so discouraged. They often lead me to believe that I’m either a) not consistent enough with the “method” or b) my child is worse than most or c) I stink as a parent in general.

I like to read. A lot. But in the past few years I’ve become increasingly picky about what I read. If that “good advice” found in a lot of parenting books isn’t tempered with solid, biblical truth, it can leave this mama deflated and defeated.

I know why I’m drawn to them. I’m practical. I like people to give me a list of what to do and exactly how to do it. But for some reason it’s hit me in a very real and fresh way the last few weeks why it might be the wiser choice to avoid books that offer lots of methods and promise results. Why?

First, results are limited.

While most of the parenting books I’ve read have some helpful insight, no parenting tactic is fool proof. When I first started to discipline my oldest son, Isaac, I relied heavily on some books that offered the “right way” to do it. While there was good advice and helpful approaches, I found myself feeling like a failure on a regular basis because, try as I may, I began to feel like a drill seargant trapped by my own set of rules. I would see some results and then throw my hands up in exasperation when he would regress. So I’d look for the next parenting book that offered results using a different method. Maybe theirs would work.

Second, they don’t usually have the right goal in mind.

These books do have their place. Honestly, I’ve gleaned creative ideas for helping to correct children with various bents from books of these kinds. It’s not using the discipline methods that are wrong, it’s the goal.

And what exactly is the goal in the overwhelming majority of these books?

Kids who behave.

Okay, so I absolutely want my kids to obey me and do the right thing. It makes my life easier and makes them more likely to be productive members of society someday. Those are both good things. Christian books often go at it from the angle of doing what God tells us to do. And that’s not bad… necessarily…

What I’ve found is that something MAJOR is missing from many popular parenting books.

My child’s heart.

What if I found a “method” that worked beautifully for one of my boys? What then? They act appropriately and obey in most situations. Yay! But that doesn’t do them a bit of good in the long run apart from Jesus Christ. They could be the most moral, obedient, submissive child on the planet, but apart from a Savior their good works gain them nothing.

I’m convinced that pointing my kids to Christ is the best parenting “method.” But much to the dismay of my practical personality (and crazy love for my boys), results can’t be promised with this method.

Results can’t be promised when a real life human being’s heart is involved. I don’t have any guarantees over God’s work in their lives. There are some encouragements like, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Pr. 22:6). But Proverbs is not a book of promises. This verse is a truism (meaning it’s typically true or likely to happen), but not a guarantee. We’ve probably all known people who’s kids have gone astray despite their upbringing, not because of it.

That’s why I now run from parenting books that promise results. I’m not going to give you a long list of books that I could bash or pick apart, but instead direct you to a few books that have been encouraging to me in embracing a Christ-centered mindset that parents to the heart. (And by the way, there are things that could be debated and argued in these books as well, but they’ve all helped shape some aspect of my parenting and I think they’re worth a read):

Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson

Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

(You can read reviews for all of these books on When You Rise under the Resources page if you’d like to know more about them.)

So, I read and I strive to parent well and I ask God to give me his eyes to see their heart the way he does. To remember to look past the behavior (bad or even good!) and point them to Jesus as I discipline. I pray that my methods will be shifted to a mindset that desires to point my kids to their Savior.

Desiré is married to her best friend Matt and gets to be “Mommy” to Isaac (4) and Silas (almost 3) with a Caleb joining the mix in just a few weeks. She loves chocolate, running (when she’s not gigantically pregnant) and reading! She blogs at When You Rise, a site dedicated to sharing fun ideas for teaching kids the Bible as well as sharing the lessons God is teaching her on this parenting journey. You can find her on Facebook and Pinterest as well.

It’s the month of love. The card aisle at the store is lined with messages of love. Today my youngest has party at his preschool where he will hand out sweet treats to his classmates. And red heart shaped decorations are everywhere.

With Valentine’s Day this month, I wanted to help my boy focus on real love. Not just the kind you share on the 14th of February each year with little poetic thoughts and heart shaped candies. No, I want them to learn about true love.

“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.” 1 John 3:16

For the past few weeks, my boys have been memorizing 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. A famous passage often used in weddings, it summarizes what real love looks like. When they started learning it, I not only talked with them about the fact that God wants us to love each other that way, but more importantly, that 1 Corinthians 13 tells us how God loves us.

They know it is hard to love others. We pray about their own battles and arguments between each other all the time. As my youngest always reminds me, they can’t love perfectly.

But Jesus did and does.

And it’s that truth that is at the heart of the gospel: because Jesus loved us, we can now love one another. 1 John 4;19 says, “We love each other because he loved us first.” Without God’s love, we cannot really love others. Oh, we can feel warm fuzzies, we can respond in kind when someone else is loving to us, but real love is impossible without Christ.

Self-sacrificial love is the love Christ has for us. It’s this Love that left heaven above for a cattle trough on earth. It’s this Love that left riches unimaginable to live a life of poverty, having no home of his own. It’s this Love that dined with the outcasts, walked with sinners, and washed the dirty feet of a traitor.

It’s this perfect Love that became sin so that we could be freed to love one another.

When I instruct my boys in what it means to love one another, I have to first teach them about this Love that died for them. They can only love others because He loved them first.

Do you ever talk with your children about scripture and then later realize there is a lesson there for you too?

I’ve hidden this truth about love, deep in my heart where the other treasures of His word are stored. I’ve listened to my boys recite 1 Corinthians 13 over and over. Then comes a day of running late, whining, losing things, boys bickering and I’m pushed hard. And then one more argument breaks out. My irritation builds and the frustrated sarcasm begins to rear its ugly head.

I breathe deep and pause. ”He loved me first, He loved me first, He loved me first…” It’s like a mantra I repeat over and over in my soul. I remember the Gospel of Love, of all I’ve done against my Savior and of all He’s done for me. I remember that He loved me first so that I could love my children. I return to the cross and remember that His perfect life of love was given to me.

Slowly the irritation and impatience lessens, like air being released from a balloon. Focusing on Christ’s love for me frees me to love my children. I can only love these little eternal souls because He loved me first. It is His love which empowers me to love as He loves.

My children and I are in the same boat, none of us can love on our own. They can’t love each other without Christ, and I can’t love them without Christ. This Valentines Day, as we make our heart shaped cards and give out red and pink treats, let us all remember the source of real love and why we can even love in the first place-because He loved us first.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:7-10

I’m driving down the road and the questions come from behind me, rapid fire, and one after another.

“Mom, will there be baseball in heaven?”

“Mom, why doesn’t the Bible tell us the exact dates when Adam and Eve were made?”

“Can you show me the Psalm David wrote after he sinned by taking another man’s wife?”

“Mom, why was David called ‘a man after God’s own heart?’”

“Mom, who wrote Genesis?”

I smile because I love these questions. They are evidence of two young heart’s wanting to know more about God and His Word….to read the rest of this post, visit When You Rise, where I am guest posting today.

A new year is upon us. Turning the page on the calendar is always inspiring. It’s the start of a new chapter in our lives. A fresh start. A time for change. The opportunities before us are endless.

While the commercials on tv tell us we need to join a gym and try the latest diet craze (and perhaps we do!) what we won’t hear are ads telling us to invest more time in our children. And we certainly won’t hear encouragement to teach our children about God. We won’t hear the about the importance of speaking the gospel into the hearts of our children, pouring love into them, and leading them down the path that leads to Life.

No, and in fact, much of what we hear will tell us to go the other way. To fill our time with activities, fill our minds with the latest news, and our hearts with the love of possessions. And like the possibilities for the new year, the opportunities to do so are endless. The more our time is consumed with busyness and activities, the less time we have to teach and instruct our children about their Savior.

This year, let’s encourage one another to seize opportunities to “teach Jesus” to our children. Perhaps it means slowing down and changing our priorities. It might mean spending less time distracted by electronic devices and more time listening to and being aware of what is going on in our children’s lives. Maybe it means letting go of something else to invest in the heart’s of those eternal souls entrusted into our care by the Maker himself.

A few thoughts to consider:

1. Be mindful of teaching moments: The opportunities for teaching and showing our children Jesus are endless. Yet, it is so easy to miss these moments. Ask God to open your eyes to see them when they happen. Be prepared to stop whatever you may be doing. Be intentional to relate everyday experiences and situations to God and his word. Make efforts to use the truths of the gospel in your everyday conversations with your children.

2. Discuss with your spouse areas to target with your children: The beginning of the year is a great time to discuss with your spouse the areas of concern you both have in your children’s lives. Perhaps you’ve noticed a tendency toward lying. Or maybe they struggle with sharing. Whatever it is, select a couple of heart issues to target and help your children with this year. Work together with your spouse to find ways to communicate your concerns with your children. Pray together about your child’s spiritual growth. Seek out opportunities to teach impactful lessons that point your children to the Lord and all he has done for them.

3. Make plans on what to teach them this year: Teachers have lesson plans. They have goals for the school year. There are specific lessons a child needs to learn in each grade in order to progress on to the next. In a similar way, parents can make goals on what we want our children to learn each year. As they mature and grow, the lessons become deeper. For example, what theological terms are your children ready to learn about this year? (i.e. The Trinity, the sacraments, God’s omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence) What verses are they capable of memorizing? Maybe they are ready to memorize The Lord’s Prayer, the ten commandments or the books of the Bible. Consider teaching them catechism questions (stay tuned for a post on this specific topic soon).

4. Ask the Lord to help you be sensitive to His promptings: Above all, always be in prayer, asking God to show you what your children need to learn. Make it a daily prayer that He would make you sensitive to teaching moments as they arrive. Seek God’s wisdom to guide you as you teach your children more and more about all he has done for them.

It is my prayer that this space is a place of encouragement where we spur one another on to teach our children about Jesus. If there is ever a topic of interest that you would like to see here, please let me know. Additionally, let me know how I can pray specifically for you and your children this year.

Happy New Year!

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter. - J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

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Can you believe Thanksgiving is only a couple of weeks away? What do you look forward to the most? With turkey, pumpkin pie, friends, family, football…Thanksgiving is a great time of food and celebration with those we love most. It is also a time to reflect and consider all the blessings God has given us during the year.

Since I started keeping a gratitude list a couple of years ago, I’ve experienced the life changing, heart transforming power that comes from counting all the graces God so generously gives. Focusing my heart on what I do have, rather than on what is lacking, has opened my eyes to all the ways God blesses me. I don’t deserve a single thing, yet each day He provides me with life and breath. Not only does He give me life, because of Christ, I also have the gift of eternal life.

Gratitude is also a habit we try to instill in our family. I say try, because our hearts are prone to wander. As parents, we quickly forget what we’ve been given. My children do as well. But our goal is to be intentional in showing them how much they have been given, not just materially, but also in pointing out all the blessings they have because of the gospel of grace. We often put this into practice when there is a problem with whining or discontent. We all stop and take turns counting the ways God has blessed us.

Thanksgiving is an opportune time to begin developing the habit of gratitude. Last year, I put together a Thanksgiving tree for our family to use in the weeks leading up to the holiday. This is our second year using the tree and I think it’s becoming a tradition for us. I used a simple vase, tree branches, and cardstock. I placed a bowl filled with cut out leaves and a pen next to the tree. Whenever we think of something we are grateful for, we write it down on one of the leaves and hang it on the tree. By the time Thanksgiving day arrives, our tree is full of leaves.

What activities do you do with your children to help them develop the habit of gratitude? I would love to hear!

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At what age can a child begin to study the Bible? Good question. Of course we read to our children Bible stories from the time they are born, maybe even before. But when can we begin to sit with them and study the actual Bible? I don’t have an exact answer but I believe children are capable of learning more and a lot earlier than we expect them to. When a child is reading well enough that they can read from the Bible, that’s a great time to start, if not before.

God’s word is powerful. The book of Hebrews tells us “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (4:12). David loved God’s word so much, he wrote an entire Psalm about it (119). He learned that hiding God’s word in his heart helped him in his battle against sin (119:11). We also know that hearing the word of God is essential for faith, “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17).

Whether it’s something you do once a week, once a day, as part of homeschool or as part of family devotions, it’s important to sit down with your child and study God’s word together. Even if all you can do is focus on reading through a book of the Bible together, a chapter at a time, do so. As you read, stop and discuss words they do not know and explain what is happening. Study it in advance yourself so you are prepared for discussion.

We have a Bible curriculum that comes with our homeschool curriculum but it is not as deep or thorough as I would like. As a result, we have tried a few Bible studies designed for children in elementary school. Because my son is in second grade, he and I do the study together. I have him search for the passage and read it to me or follow along as I read. As he matures in his understanding and ability to navigate Scripture, I will give him time alone to work on it.

A few of the studies we have enjoyed:

1. Starr Meade’s studies titled God’s Mighty Acts in Salvation and God’s Mighty Acts in Creation. These books have short chapters, perfect for short attention spans and for older children who want to read it themselves. The one on salvation takes the reader through the book of Galatians and the one on creation goes through the days of creation, showing the reader how God is revealed through nature.

2. God’s Names (Children Desiring God): This is a favorite of ours which takes the reader through a study of 26 names of God. My son still remembers many of the names we learned during this study.

3. Kay Arthur has an entire series on inductive Bible studies for children. These books are more involved and as thorough as her adult studies. We have only been through the one on prayer (Lord, Teach Me to Pray for Kids (Discover 4 Yourself® Inductive Bible Studies for Kids), but it is wonderful. She has a book on how to study the bible and then separate studies on books of the Bible such as James, John, Genesis, Esther and more. I wrote in more detail about the study on prayer in this post here.

And good news for my friends today! I have a copy of God’s Mighty Acts in Salvation to give away to one reader. Simply leave a comment below and you will be automatically entered. Random.org will select a winner at random on Monday, November 5 at 8:00pm EST. Update: Random.org selected Helene as the winner of the book giveaway. Congratulations!

I desire for my children to grow to love God’s word and feed on it as the manna that satisfies their soul. Because nothing else could ever fill and satisfy. And it is to this end that I pray.

I would love to hear about your favorite Bible studies that you use with your children. Please share!

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I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I love the convenience, the access to knowledge and the ability to communicate quickly with others. On social networking sites, it’s fun to see what my friends are up to and to share the antics of my children. Despite this, I’ve actually broken up with Facebook and Twitter several times. But they always pull me back.

Let’s face it, technology is part of the very fabric of our lives and we can’t live without it.

What concerns me the most about all forms of technology is its addictive nature. If you’ve ever been on Pinterest, you know what I mean! It can suck you in and consume all your time. Technology has actually trained our brains to require quick responses to everything. We’ve become used to the constant stream of information and images on a screen. It has made us unable to simply sit and use our imagination. Instead, we have to always check for new emails, messages, or responses.

I find this especially true for my children’s generation. While technology is helpful in keeping them occupied during a long doctor’s visit, they too struggle to simply sit and be “bored.” I find that they are so accustomed to playing a game on my phone or watching a show on the iPad, that if ever we are waiting for something, one will turn to me and say, “I’m bored. Can I have your phone?”

I read an article once on this very subject in one of my professional magazines. The article cautioned that technology is “rewiring” the brain for speed. It stated, “technology, therefore, is changing the very nature of modern stress. It demands over-engagement-a sort of “go-go-go” mentality. The digital world is robbing us of “recovery times,” much-needed sleep and rest.” (Archibald Hart and Sylvia Hart Frejd in Christian Counseling Today) In essence, when we overuse technology, we maintain a constant high stress level. We are constantly being stimulated by technology, giving us a high cortisol and adrenaline arousal. Our bodies feel like we are in a continual “fight or flight” situation. Ultimately the frequent exposure to technology is changing our brains and the brains of our children.

Whether it’s riding in a car, sitting in a restaurant, or waiting in line at Disney, my kids think they need to always have their hands and eyes occupied. In an effort to help our kids with this “addiction” and to teach them how to use their imagination, we have a few rules on use of technology.

1. Games on the phone are only for doctor’s appointments and meals where we eat out with a large group of people.

2. They only get 20 minutes a day of game time on the computer.

3. TV shows are reserved for first thing in the morning, if there’s time, and before bedtime. Educational shows are acceptable for the late afternoons. Movies are for when traveling or for family movie night.

4. When we go out to eat as a family, we encourage them to bring a book to read or we play games together. We’ve brought our pizza game night board game to the pizza restaurant to play together. We also take turns making up fun stories and adding to them until our meal arrives.

5. Because our kids are highly competitive, playing games on a gaming device has also been problematic. We limit their time on the Wii to when my husband is home to play with them.

Whenever my kids ask why I am limiting their use of their favorite gadgets and games, I teach them about how it affects their brain. I point out to them the activities that are better for their minds to be engaged in. I also remind them that whenever they feel a strong desire to play a game and it upsets them that they can’t, they need to evaluate their heart. I point out that perhaps the game is taking up a place in their heart where Jesus is supposed to be.

One aspect of “teaching Jesus” to our children is teaching them how to self-monitor their entertainment choices. They need to be always mindful of where God is in the priorities of their heart. Anything can try to take God’s place in their heart and we need to guide them to Jesus, their true heart’s treasure.

Have you found this to be true in your family? How do you limit technology with your children?

updated from the archives

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God communicates to us in words and concepts that we understand. Jesus taught the disciples through parables and word pictures. The Bible uses the example of marriage to explain our relationship with God. The book of Proverbs uses analogies and word pictures to explain the way of wisdom. Whenever possible, the inspired writer’s of Scripture used examples from everyday life to help explain spiritual concepts.

For children, allegories and parables are excellent tools to use in explaining Biblical concepts. The Chronicles of Narnia are the most well known example of this. We can’t help but think of Jesus when Aslan takes Edmund’s place, accepting the punishment he deserved. Other examples include books by Francis Chan, Max Lucado, R.C. Sproul, to name a few.

The following is a few of our favorites. Today is a giveaway day! One winner will get to choose one book from the following list. All you have to do is leave a comment and you will be automatically entered. Random.org will randomly select a winner next week, October 17 at 8:00pm EST.

Pilgrim’s Progress

The Lightlings

The Prince’s Poison Cup

Sammy and His Shepherd

Keeping Holiday
Please share! I’d love to hear about some of your favorites! What parables or allegories do you like to read to your children to teach them about Jesus?