Depression | | Page 3

If I had all the time in the world

30. August 2011 · 5 comments · Categories: book reviews, Depression, God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth

If I had all the time in the world…

Morning devotions with the bubbling sound of the pool-and always a cup of coffee.

You’d probably find me reading.

If you read my post titled, “My Dog Eared Life”, then you know how much of an impact written words have had on my life. If you didn’t read that post, you can read that post here.

Tim Keller has said, “Read one thinker and you become a clone. Read two and you become confused. Read a hundred and you start to become wise.”

There have been a number of Christian authors whose wise words have helped me answer difficult life questions, given me encouragement to move forward in healing, and challenged me to grow in my faith.

Some of the books He used to help heal a wounded heart.

Some of the books He’s used to teach me and challenge me in my faith.

A few author’s whose books gave me the direction I needed in parenting.

And some He used to encourage me and draw me closer in my walk with Him.

When I have the unexpected joy of free time, I pick up a book. If I had all the time in the world, I wouldn’t get bored for there are so many pages yet to be turned. And next to my chair waiting for me to have free time lies: The Reason for God by Tim Keller, Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, It’s Your Kid, Not a Gerbil byKevan Leman and 66 Love Letters by Larry Crabb.

What books has God brought your way, books which stirred your soul and brought healing to your heart?

“Books are standing counselors and preachers, always at hand…having this advantage over their oral instructors, that they are ready to repeat their lesson as often as we please.” Oswald Chambers

Adopted Forever

15. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Spiritual Growth

Born into poverty and raised in a broken family, he left school after eighth grade to help support his family. Deserted by his alcoholic father, his family carried deep wounds that never seemed to heal. Joining the army, he fought in WWII. Arriving one day into the Normandy invasion, he lived to recount his stories for years to come. He was married to a tired and worn woman with her own stories of pain. During the Korean War, upon learning of his wife’s emotional breakdown, he left the military to be at her side.

With the anniversary of my grandfather’s death approaching, I think about his life and his faith. I think about how God can pull us out of deep pits of pain and despair, giving us new life.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM, my writing home on Fridays.

My Dog-Eared Life

08. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Depression, Spiritual Growth

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” G.K. Chesterton

For me, books are like snapshots in the scrapbook of my life. The books lined on my shelves play a part in my story. There’s an emotional connection to each one of them because they remind me of places I’ve been in my life. Like a collection of postcards from places traveled, my books tell the story of my life journey.

There are Nancy Drew books I read as a child. They were a place to escape the realities of a painful life. I could live the life of a mystery sleuth and get away from the burdens of life that weighed me down. There are books I read as an adolescent that gave me hope when I had none. Books from my undergraduate years still line my shelves. They remind me of when God was teaching me about myself and growing me in my faith. There are professional books from my years in graduate school and from my work as a counselor. There are also books that helped me through my challenges with depression. And I can’t forget the books that spoke deep into my heart which God used to change me.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM, my writing home on Fridays.

Believing Lies

05. July 2011 · 5 comments · Categories: Depression

I have a constant companion who has been with me for many years. It’s seems like we would be close friends considering all the time we’ve spent together. But in recent years, I’ve realized how many lies I’ve been told. These lies are ones only I can hear for they come from deep in my mind and heart where my companion Depression lives.

I’ve believed the lies over and over. “It’s too much, you can’t handle it.” “You’re not loved or wanted.” “You’ll never make it.” “No one understands you.” “You’re ugly and can’t do anything right.”

These lies can become shouts that reverberate within my soul. And the echo lingers on for days, weeks, months, even years. I could be among a crowd of friends who care for me, yet the only thing I hear is the voice of Depression telling me I am not loved or even worthy of love. Everytime I give in and believe those lies, the overwhelming feelings of sadness and despair threaten to drown me.

God in His grace has given me ammunition against Depression and the lies it tells. When I use the ammunition, I can better fight the battle raging within my mind and soul.

When Jesus was in the desert for forty days, He was physically dying of thirst and hunger. Yet His soul was well fed from the word of His Father. He was able to withstand the lies of the Devil. How did He do it? With each temptation from the Devil, Jesus responded with the very Word of God.

Paul tells us to take every though captive. When I am confronted with a lie, I capture it and speak the Word of God within my soul and it makes the lie powerless. It’s the very word of God who created the cosmos and the word of God who declared Jesus as His son on the river Jordan. It is also the word of God that teaches me that while I am a horrible sinner forgiven because of Jesus’ sacrifice for me, I am also deeply loved, more than I could ever imagine.

When I hear “It’s too much, you can’t handle it.” I remember: “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” (Phil. 4:13) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

When I hear “You’re not loved or wanted.” I remember: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13,14) “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2:9)

When I hear “You should give up, you’ll never make it” I remember: “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6)

Like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress, held captive in Doubting Castle by the Giant Despair, I can forget that I have the key to get free from my own Giant Depression. Christian had the key of Promise and once he remembered that he had it, he opened the doors of his prison and was free. When I use God’s Word and His promises, I too can experience the freedom of His love and grace. When I embrace His promises, the lies of Depression cannot stand.

Depression is the most commonly diagnosed mental health problem. For those of us who battle depression, let us encourage each other with the promises of God. As Hebrews tells us, His word is powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword. No lie can be brought before His word and stand.

“So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” Romans 8:6

Meaning in the Midst of Suffering, part 1

17. June 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Depression, God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth

Do you ever get weighed down by all the grief and suffering we experience in this fallen world? Do you ever wonder if all the pain we endure in this life really will turn out for our good? And good for whom?

I’ve read Romans 8:28 more times than I can count. I’ve held on to that passage with a death grip at times. It’s so hard in the midst of dark times to believe the sun will ever shine again. Those who have experienced loss, physical pain, abuse, poverty and other types of suffering in this life-how can they believe it will turn out for good? While scripture shows us a few ways that the suffering and trials of this world will turn out for good, today I want to specifically address the way suffering changes us and strengthens our faith in God.

One person in the faith whom I greatly admire is Joni Earekson Tada. Her experience in suffering is greater than I have ever known. In explaining what her experiences in suffering have done for her, she said, “In a way I wish I could take to heaven my old, tattered Everest and Jennings wheelchair. I would point to the empty seat and say, “Lord, for decades I was paralyzed in this chair. But it showed me how paralyzed You must have felt to be nailed to Your Cross. My limitations taught me something about the limitations You endured when You laid aside your robes of state and put on the indignity of human flesh.” At that point, with my strong and glorified body, I might sit in it, rub the armrests with my hands, look up at Jesus, and add, “The weaker I felt in this chair, the harder I leaned on You. And the harder I leaned, the more I discovered how strong You are. Thank you, Jesus for learning obedience in your suffering…You gave me grace to learn obedience in mine.”

source

To see the rest of this post, visit CSAHM, my writing home on Fridays.

Sowing our Tears

14. June 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Depression, Spiritual Growth

“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:5-6

Only God knows the number of tears I have cried over my children. The tears flowed a river each time they were wheeled away into surgery. I’ve cried on my knees to God and poured out to him my parenting struggles. And I’ve cried tears of joy when they asked Jesus to be their Savior.

As one who struggles with depression, tears are my constant companion. I often struggle with the weight of them and ask God to take them away. When I search God’s word for answers, I always end up in the Psalms. And it’s in Psalm 126 He is using to teach me that while the pain that accompanies the tears is difficult, it is not without purpose.

To read the rest of this devotional, visit Devotions for Moms.

Journaling, part 1

29. April 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Spiritual Growth

I confess that I once was a psychotherapist who gave out advice and never used it for myself. Just what am I talking about? I frequently asked people I was counseling to start a journal, though I rarely was committed to doing one myself.

That is, until I had kids. In fact, journaling has been a huge factor in helping me manage my depression. What kept me from being committed to writing before? I’m not sure, though I suppose the motivation of being healthy for my kids might have helped. I often imagine King David, on the run and hiding in caves, writing out his thoughts and feelings to God as they poured from him. There were times when he was in deep despair-I wonder if God used his writing to help him find peace and healing?

To read the rest of this post on journaling, stop by CSAHM, my writing home on Fridays.

For the Joy Set Before Him

22. April 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Depression, Spiritual Growth

Why does it take so long to move forward in this mending of the tears in my soul, and yet take no time at all to fall and end up right back where I started? It’s like the game of Chute N Ladders, so many spaces to go through to get to the end and win, but if you land on that one space, near the top of the board, you’re on a chute that takes you back to the bottom.

I’ve slid down my own chute in recent weeks.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM, my writing home on Fridays.

Spiritual Intimacy

07. April 2011 · 1 comment · Categories: Depression, God's still working on me

I have had this battle with the storm clouds in my mind since adolescence. This fight with depression is one I take day by day, one clenched fist punch at a time. Days go by and I’m living and breathing in joy. I’m connected to my Lover Christ and the situations that usually trigger despondency and weeping, pass by me unnoticed.

But then other days, the littlest things set me off. Bickering brothers, lateness from dawdling dreamer son, my own forgetfulness, days when nothing goes right. The tears fall heavy.

Why can’t I always live in heightened joy? Why don’t I always feel that intimacy of connection with my Husband, my Maker, my Savior?

The idea of Christ as Lover is distasteful to some. Yet the image of God’s people as his bride is found throughout scripture. Imagery of the connection and unity, the oneness that is experienced between husband and wife is used to explain our oneness with God. The joy of connection a couple experiences as being one flesh gives us a foretaste of the spiritual joy and connection we will experience fully with God in heaven. The book of the Song of Solomon has traditionally been understood to be about our relationship with Christ (it is understood this way also in the Westminster Standards). Other uses of the marriage imagery are also found in the Old Testament. For example, God refers to the Israelites as prostitutes when they bowed down to other gods. In addition, Hosea’s very own marriage was a living example of the way Israel had become an adulteress.

In the New Testament, the union between husband and wife is likened to that of the unity between the church and Christ. Paul refers to this unity as a mystery. (Ephesians 5) We are promised a great feast when our Husband returns. “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.” (Rev. 19:7) This wedding will be a consummation of the promises made earlier in scripture: “For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is his name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit.” (Is. 54:5,6).

Ann Voskamp says that “God makes love with grace upon grace, every moment a making of His love for us.” And “I give Him thanks and I bless God and we meet and couldn’t I make love to God, making every moment love for Him? To know Him the way Adam knew Eve. Spirit skin to spirit skin.”

My soul resonates with that longing for spiritual union. I was made to be in communion with God and when I’m not, I feel lost, incomplete. When I do feel that connection, I experience true joy. I want to swim in that joy, soak it up in my skin, have it ooze from my pores.

But most days, it seems like there is a wall blocking my way, keeping me from that connection.

In psychotherapist mode, I evaluate my thoughts, searching for the trigger to feelings of depression and hopelessness. I scrutinize for signs of negative thinking. I pray, I search the word for an indication to reveal to me how to get past the wall, to the connection I am seeking. Then the Spirit whispers to me, reminding me, “when was the last time you ate of my grace? When you hunger for intimacy with me, it’s because you have not eaten.”

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.” Psalm 42: 1-4

I have forgotten to eat at the table of grace. To fill my mind with thoughts of God’s unending love and mercy for me. My gratitude list.

Dwelling on God’s grace needs to be daily food for me, not something I gorge on once or twice a week and expect my soul to find nourishment for each day. I need to stay connected to the vine, giving thanks in all things, covering His feet with tears of gratitude no matter the expense. It’s the praise and thanksgiving that I pour on my Love that opens the door to spiritual intimacy.

“O God, you are my God; I shall seek you earnestly; my soul thirsts for you, my flesh yearns for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Thus I have seen you in the sanctuary, to see your power and glory. Because your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63:1-3

We live in a land that is dry, spiritually dead. We need to drink from the Living Water to fill that soul thirst. As we seek Him in thanksgiving for the countless graces we have been given, our tongues will lap up the Water our souls long for.

The Anatomy of our Soul

18. March 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Depression

Most Christians experience dark times at some time in their life. C.S. Lewis experienced intense grief over the loss of his wife to cancer. Some well respected theological giants have suffered from severe depression (C.H. Spurgeon for one). How do we handle those times of despair in a biblical manner? It is helpful to see examples of people suffering with the weight of heavy distress throughout scripture. Elijah experienced a time of depression following his conflict with Jezebel. He had reached the end of his rope and asked that God take his life. Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet and penned the cries of his heart in the book of Lamentations. The man after God’s own heart, King David, also felt the weight of fear, regret, guilt and defeat in the depths of his soul. And our own Lord and Savior felt the weight of his Father’s plan and in the garden on that fateful night said, ”My soul is filled with sorrow to the point of death.”

To see the rest of this post on how to use the Psalms of Lament as a structure for expressing your heart to God, head over to Christian Stay at Home Moms where I am writing today.