My son loves maps. My in-laws are world travelers and I think he has inherited all their travel guides and maps. When my husband and I were in Paris last year, our train map became our most essential tool in getting around the city. Each time we wanted to visit a museum, we consulted the train map to see which route to take from our hotel.

We all know how important a map is in helping us get to our destination. Nowadays, the GPS is used more than an actual paper map. We simply type in the address of where we want to go and the GPS provides us detailed directions for getting there.

When it comes to parenting, I know I could use a map to tell me where to go. Like all Christian parents, I have the general goal of raising my children to know and love the Lord. And like other parents, I would like my children to work hard at all they do and grow to become productive citizens. Yet it’s one thing to have a general goal for the future and it’s another thing to intentionally take the steps to get there.

So where do you want to go as a parent?

While Scripture doesn’t give us the detailed and specific steps to take in our everyday parenting, it does point us in the direction we need to go. Deuteronomy 6 tells us that parents are to teach and train their children to know and love God. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Over and over, throughout the Bible, God instructs His people to teach and remind their children about all that God has done.

I believe it is helpful to have a framework, or philosophy of parenting out of which flows all the practical, day-to-day aspects of raising children. More than just a nebulous goal, a parenting philosophy is founded on Scripture and guides the family on the path God has placed them.

Like a company’s mission statement, having a parenting philosophy gives us a filter through which to make the day-to-day parenting decisions. When a challenge faces us, we can sift our potential responses through our philosophy to determine if our decisions will keep us on the path we are headed.

To develop your own parenting philosophy:

Begin with Scripture to instruct you in what God desires from your family and your children. Where do you believe God wants to direct you as a family? What is your calling as a family? What do you most want to instill in your children? How do you want your family to reflect love to each other and to those outside your family? What defines your family?

Sometimes it helps to put your philosophy into an acronym or a list of statements. Or perhaps it is a list of Bible passages that summarize your philosophy. Whatever form it takes, refer back to it often to remind yourself of where you are headed. Use it when making decisions in how to respond to your children and in the plans you make for them.

An example:

For our family, we believe parenting should be focused on grace. The foundation of the gospel is grace and our parenting should be as well. We are the first and primary example of God’s love to our kids. When we live out the grace of the gospel, they see Christ in us. Below is an acronym to describe our philosophy.

G Gospel centered

R Reaching the heart

A Affirming God’s image

C Christ like humility

E Evaluating our example

Gospel Centered: What does gospel centered parenting look like? It means continually pointing our kids to the cross and what Christ did for them. It means reminding ourselves as parents of the grace given to us. It means we as parents in turn extend grace to our children when they fall, reminding them of Christ’s death for their sin, and the empowering work of the Holy Spirit to change them. It means preaching the gospel to ourselves and to our children every day.

Reaching the heart: Parenting isn’t so much about responding or reacting to behavior or molding a child to fit societal norms. It’s about reaching beyond mere behavior and to the heart of the child. Scripture says that it’s not mere outward conformity that God is seeking, it’s a broken and contrite heart. You can have a child who is behaves perfectly on the outside, yet their heart is far from God. “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51: 16,17

Affirming God’s image in them: While the world may praise their kids to build their self-esteem, we want our kids to view themselves the way God views them: as precious eternal souls made in his image. Our children were made to glorify and enjoy God. I want to always point them to their Maker and the fact that the gifts, skills, and talents they have come from him and are for him. Each person has a calling in their life that they are to use for his glory and our role as parents is to encourage and nurture those gifts and help them find a way to use their skills for God.

Christ like humility: Christ led his disciples through service. He taught servanthood and led by example. Parenting requires significant sacrifice and is primarily about servanthood. We not only need to teach our children about humility and putting others before themselves, but we also need to set an example of service in our home and in our community.

Evaluating our example: We also want to evaluate our interactions with our children each day. Are we showing them Jesus through how we respond to them, how we handle our own sin, how we handle trials and disappointments, how we handle conflicts with others, etc.? Many times we will fail. We then fall on our knees and ask the Lord for forgiveness and strength to try again. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we are able to persevere in our job as parents.

Does your family have a specific philosophy of parenting? What does it look like? If not, what would you want your philosophy to look like?

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