My very first report card in kindergarten has a note written by the teacher commenting on my shyness. Every report card after that was the same. My whole body was on alert and began to tense up whenever I was called on in class. I put off speech class in college until the very last semester. Even now, I can’t stand to think about that speech class!
What’s interesting is that writing on my blog sometimes feels like standing up in speech class. While I can’t see the audience, they’re still there. While I don’t have to speak the words out loud, they are here for the world to read. The difference is that there’s a quiet silence once I publish a post. Standing in front of a group to give a speech, you are provided with some kind of response. Maybe it’s laughter, clapping, or just grimacing faces. You immediately know whether what you have said struck a chord with someone or not. You immediately know whether your speech was received badly or whether the message was delivered adequately or not. With blogging, it’s a bit harder to tell.
It’s because of this that it took me a while to become more real, more transparent on this blog. I’ve been blogging for almost six years now. For a long time I kept to myself the pain I was experiencing with Post Pardum Depression as well as the chronic depression that sneaks up on me from time to time. But then God convicted me and challenged me to share with others the work he was doing in me. Not just for the benefit of readers, but for mine as well. Taking my heart out and posting it on this screen, that’s a huge risk and sometimes downright scary. But that’s the amazing thing about what happens when God works in and through you. He accomplishes his will despite your weaknesses. Moses had trouble speaking before large crowds, so God provided for his brother Aaron to help him. By the end of his life, Moses was speaking on his own with great confidence. God doesn’t let us stay where we are; no weakness is too great an obstacle for him.
While I will probably never be outgoing and my default setting is shyness, I am not bound by it. As I rely on the Lord to be my strength, the possibilities for how he will use me for his kingdom are endless. It’s a great risk to drop the nets and follow him-to drop all that we know and consider safe and follow him wherever he leads. Where is the Lord leading you today?
So glad to see the Lord at work! I always look forward to reading your posts and am challenged greatly!