Birth order theory is a theory about a person’s personality being determined by their order of birth.  I believe there is a lot of truth to that.  Most oldest children are pretty responsible and dependable.  And the second usually tries to be the opposite of the first.  And so I’ve wondered about Ian.

Even at a young age I’ve seen him trying to establish his role in our home with who he is as separate from his big brother.  Since Ethan has the status as the “smart one” who loves learning, I’ve seen Ian resist being seen as smart.  He can read, do math, has great verbal skills and is very bright like his brother but he doesn’t want to be thought of that way.  At Ian’s age, Ethan loved to sit down with me and do educational workbooks.  Ian does not like to do that so any educational activity we do has to be in the form of a game and has to be fun in order for him to do it.  And even then he often purposefully gets wrong answers. 

Yesterday, I found Ian trying to spell words with magnets on the fridge.  He has a worm magnet he had made in school and I heard him playing with the magnets.  I quietly observed (so he wouldn’t stop if he knew I was watching) and he was sounding out the word “worm” and choosing the letters to spell the word.  He ended up with WRM.  I let him know I saw and helped him find the missing letter and then encouraged him to spell some other words using the Word Whammer.  I thought he might stop playing with making words but he kept doing it and spelled a number of words all on his own.

The psychologist we’ve used for Ethan has talked with us a few times about Ian and what to expect from him intellectually.  He assumed that Ian would end up being gifted as well but stressed that it would show itself probably different from Ethan.  What do you do with a kid who is obviously quite intelligent yet who doesn’t want to be found out to be smart?  How do I help him grow and learn in a way where he can still define himself as different from his big brother?  I want to encourage him to enjoy learning and I don’t want him to waste or suppress his abilities.  I think these are going to be ongoing questions for many years to come.  If anyone knows of any fun activities or books I can read on the subject please let me know.