Cooking dinner, I hear the sounds of angry hearts bubbled over into words that tear down. It gets louder and soon one is crying. They come out into the great-room, bringing their argument with them. One had frustrated the other and he had responded back by kicking his brother.

I began by saying, “Remember how Jesus said we were treat one another?”

“I’m not Jesus!” my oldest responds, his face scrunched up and hands clenched tight. He runs off to his room.

Taken by my friend Lisa

Sometimes, my children speak words that the Spirit has been trying to pierce into my heart for a while.

The pasta is boiling over. The water makes sizzling sounds as it hits the red glass cook top. I stare at it, knowing I need to leave the kitchen and talk through the conflict with them.

How quickly anger can overflow the heart, spattering burning hot drops of pain on anyone nearby.

I turn down the heat on the pot, and walk into the boy’s room. They are both now playing calmly with legos. I get down on the floor, look my oldest in the eyes and say, “I know you’re not Jesus.”

How often does a parent’s response to their children’s behavior imply that we expect perfection? The pharisaical heart has roots that dig deep into the past-back into childhood. A child can learn quickly the ways of self-righteousness. When they have behaved, they hear “You are such a good boy/girl.” Over the years, the heart can come to believe that it is capable of doing good and that the good it does comes from its own ability.

When those beliefs take root, the heart struggles with seeing its own sin. And perhaps even struggles with believing it needs a Savior.

“Jesus called us to live as He lived. But He knows we can’t be perfect like He is,” I tell him. “That’s why He died for us, because we can’t do what’s right. But since He gave us the Holy Spirit, we have His power living within us. That’s the only way we can ever obey. We need to pray and ask for His help.”

He nods his head, listening.

“Whenever you feel the anger rising within you, you must stop and pray. Tell God you are angry and ask Him to help you to obey Him. When you don’t obey, remember that Jesus died for that disobedience. He loves you that much. ”

As a recovering Pharisee, I struggle with living as though I can earn grace. I know how the self-righteous heart can look down on those who don’t follow the rules. I don’t want my children to grow up with the heart of a Pharisee.

I do want them to know the holiness of God. I want them to know all that He expects, what He commands and what glorifies Him. I also want them to realize that they can’t be holy, they can’t perfectly obey Him, and that they need a Savior. I want their hearts to be grieved and humbled by their sin. I want them to run to the cross and receive the grace found there.

God’s grace covers even my parenting blunders. How grateful I am that His grace is greater than all my sin! He can do great work in my kid’s hearts despite my failed efforts. This is my daily prayer.

Have you any “teach me Jesus” moments to share?