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Gospel Prayer

My verse for this year has been Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” An irony of the Christian life is that when we seek a change in ourselves, it doesn’t usually come delivered on a silver platter. For example, we all know that if we pray for more patience, we are not just immediately transformed into a patient person. Instead, we are given many opportunities to learn, grow, and practice patience.

In the same way, my desire to seek God this year is not something that has just happened. It has been a journey. As it turns out, the part of the verse that says, “when you seek me with all your heart” has been the very thing God is refining in me. All those things that keep me from seeking him with all my heart have been the very things I’ve struggled with all this year. My life has been filled with disappointments and uncertainties. I’ve battled myself within and without, and in the process have discovered more and more what keeps me from loving God with all that I am.

While it is painful, it is also so very necessary. And even joyful. A unique combination of bitter and sweet.

And the place where I’ve seen this played out more than anywhere else is in my prayer life. It has been the place where I have gone to seek God the most. It has been a place filled with wonder, growth, anticipation, discovery and mystery.

Prayer is also the place where the gospel has been most real and tangible to me. In fact, it has been through prayer where the gospel incarnates in my heart. Every time I pray, the gospel gives birth to my hope found in Christ. The very act of praying makes the gospel come alive; it is lived out right there in my heart as I pray. Just as when I first came to Christ, when I pray, I come before the throne unashamed, yet at the same time, messy and sin-stained, worn and weary. I bring all my sin, vacillating emotions, worries and fears to the cross. As I pray through the gospel, the blood of Christ cleanses and restores. And I’m left with gospel joy.

The other day I felt overwhelmed. My heart was heavy; the disappointments many. I felt a sense of urgency and eagerness to bring all my burdens to my heavenly Father in prayer. Opening my prayer journal I began by praying through what I was feeling, what was on my mind, and all my cares of the day. Just as when I received the gospel the first time, I came to God in prayer just as I was. I didn’t clean myself up or cast my emotions aside, I came to him raw and in tears.

Then I prayed through the gospel. I repented of sin. I prayed through what Jesus had done for me at the cross. I asked God for the same grace that saved me for eternity to strengthen me and uphold me that day. I prayed for the joy of the gospel to be a reality in my heart. And several pages later, I felt the peace of Christ reign over my burdens. I closed my prayer journal, confident in the work God is doing in and through me, knowing he is faithful to complete what he started.

This is the power of gospel prayer.

The gospel comes to bear in my heart during prayer. Like the breath of life God breathes into dead souls, awaking them to the Spirit’s call of grace, prayer enlivens the gospel in my heart, quickening hope and giving birth to joy. It enjoins me to my Creator. It reminds me of my helplessness, weakness, and poverty of spirit. It becomes a channel to receive God’s grace.

If you haven’t prayed through the gospel in your prayer time, I urge you to do so. Apply what Christ did for you at the cross to what you are praying about. Reflect on what it means to be saved for eternity. Relish the freedom of being able to come into the holy of holies. And receive the grace of God with open hands.

For more on gospel prayer, read Everyday Prayers: 365 Days to a Gospel-Centered Faith.

And to read some of my gospel prayers, click here.

When You Need a Little Peace

03. July 2013 · 2 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word, Spiritual Growth

Rest. Relaxation. Stillness. Peace. These are the pursuits of summer vacation.

Our lives are lived at full speed. Each minute of the day is spent; we barely finish one thing before we rush on to the next. Going on a vacation forces us to slow down, to push pause on life, and to think.

Time away from work and routine is good but it only provides temporary rest and peace. Laying at the pool, walking along the beach, or camping under the stars may help us slow down but none provides the cure to a busy and cluttered heart. Even standing at the heights of a mountain and seeing God’s amazing work in creation won’t give us enduring peace. We’ll soon return to normal life and find ourselves busy and distracted by the cares of this world.

Our Lord knew busyness. Crowds of people followed him from place to place. Someone always needed healing. There was always a heart that needed hope, a life that needed resurrection. He had a purpose and he was intent on fulfilling it. Yet, he knew when it was time to slow down. Jesus took time, even in the midst of a demanding schedule to seek the rest he needed (Luke 5:16). He often went alone to the olive groves to refresh and find restoration. Yet it wasn’t simply about being alone or taking a break from working, he took these breaks to go to the source of peace and rest: his Father.

Jesus spent his life here on earth pointing us to the Source of all peace. He knew that our peace and rest doesn’t come from merely taking a break, it comes from communing with our Creator. It comes from knowing him, finding our meaning in him, and being completely satisfied in him. Peace and rest comes from knowing that all our burdens and cares have been taken from us at the cross. It comes from knowing that our greatest fear and burden, the sin that separates us from God, was removed forever when Jesus died as our substitute. And it comes from knowing that one day, he will return again and make all things new.

“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4

Peace and rest isn’t something to be sought on the weekends or during vacations. It’s available to us every moment of every day. ”I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid” (John 14:27 NLT). Jesus came so that we would have peace and rest forever. He came to take all our burdens and cares. “Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest to your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

As we enjoy our vacations this summer, may it remind us of the rest and peace purchased for us at the cross. Instead of living from weekend to weekend or vacation to vacation, let us rest in the presence of Christ each and every day. Because in Christ alone is our rest and with him is where we find the peace our heart longs for most.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

When Life is Disappointing

17. June 2013 · 13 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word, Spiritual Growth

Talking about life over dinner one day, my friend looked at me and said, “My life is such a disappointment.” We talked of broken dreams, failures, unexpected trials, and wondered-where is God’s blessing in all of it?

Another friend and I had a similar talk. Where does brokenness fit in the Christian life? How about when sins, failures, and weaknesses continue to haunt us-even after following Christ for years? How about when we pray for healing and it doesn’t come? What about when the despair never comes to an end? And what about when we cry out to God but he doesn’t answer?

These are all questions that we rarely voice aloud. These are feelings we wouldn’t share with others. After all, people would raise eyebrows and question our faith. Because as we’ve been taught in the American church, God blesses us when we do the right thing. When we pray in faith, he gives us all things. So if life is disappointing, we must be doing something wrong. Right?

But, I wonder, what if-what if life is supposed to be disappointing? And what if that disappointment is the doorway to something greater?

Too often, we live our lives either in the doorway or on this side of the door. We seek our satisfaction in temporary and fleeting things. We live as though seeking happiness in this life is why we are here. We follow distractions that lead us not toward but away from what truly satisfies.

And on those occasions where we actually admit and face our disappointments and broken dreams, we fight against them. We resist opening the door, resist stepping into our disappointments to see what lies on the other side. Like Lots wife, we look back to what we once had, wishing we could return to what was familiar and tangible.

If we gave up our hopes, goals, and dreams-as good as they might be-and pursued the greater dream, what might our lives look like? If we accepted the trials, broken dreams, and suffering as the pathway to our greatest joy, what would change about how we look at life and how we live?

I get emails all the time from the hurt and wounded, from those whose hopes have failed, who’ve prayed and God has not answered. Each message I read breaks my heart and moves me to sorrow for them. I want desperately to step into their situation, snap my fingers, and make all the pain go away.

But what I’m learning in my own life is that if I could make my own pain go away, it would be a great tragedy. For it’s my pain, my dashed hopes and failed dreams that brings me to the One who fills all the aching parts of my soul. It’s my brokenness which draws me to Christ, the One who was broken for me.

The question is, what’s on the other side of the door? What do we find when we cross the threshold from what we think we desire to what fulfills every desire? The answer is God Himself.

Larry Crabb writes in Shattered Dreams, “The suffering caused by shattered dreams must not be thought of as something to relieve if we can or endure if we must. It’s an opportunity to be embraced, a chance to discover our desire for the highest blessing God wants to give us, an encounter with Himself.” But do we really believe that? Do we really believe that God is our greatest desire, that we were created to be in fellowship with him, to love him, to be known by him?

For me, my current happiness often comes from a peaceful day and well behaved children. When my plans work out, when my goals are achieved, when I don’t have to worry about bills, when everyone is healthy, then I feel safe to breathe in happiness. But if God is my greatest desire and source of joy then no matter what happens around me my joy cannot be moved.

Because I don’t live as though God is my greatest desire he has to take away my lesser dreams so that I can dream higher. He has to remove my false idols and all the things I like to have under my control so that I will walk through that doorway. And sometimes, I have to crawl through that doorway on my knees in brokenness and complete surrender.

Jesus knew the way to joy was through the doorway of suffering. “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). It was Christ’s suffering at the cross that opened the door to our redemption and freedom from sin. It was his suffering which tore the curtain that separated us from God. Because of his death, we can now enter God’s presence with complete confidence.

As Christ’s follower, if I want to truly know and experience him, I too have to enter that same doorway. I have to enter into my own disappointments, broken dreams, and failed expectations. Not because broken dreams and suffering are good, but because good awaits me on the other side. Because Jesus conquered sin and death, I can experience the joy of knowing God in this life and look forward to an eternity with him in heaven.

Life is supposed to be disappointing because it pulls us away from lesser dreams and draws us to the joy Christ purchased for us at the cross. When disappointments come in this life they are opportunities and open doors for us to seek and find what our hearts most long for-God Himself.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Giving Up My Independence

09. April 2013 · 13 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word

This year, my desire has been to seek God in deeper ways in my prayer life. Like every aspect to spiritual growth, there are always new discoveries to make, rich and awesome wonders to encounter, and deeper roots to grow in faith. As I explore the mysterious depths of prayer, I’ve come to a conclusion:

I am too independent.

In homeschool, my son and I are reading biographies of famous missionaries. Two that stand out in my mind are Hudson Taylor and George Mueller. These missionaires did not believe in raising support for their work. They believed so strongly in the power of prayer that they prayed for God to meet each and every one of their needs. Every. Single. One. The stories we have read of God’s provision are amazing. What strikes me the most, and what has pierced my heart, is how little of my life I entrust to God in prayer.

Like many Americans, I am not as dependent on God as are Christians in other countries. If I need food, I just go to the grocery store. If I need an idea for a school lesson, I browse Pinterest. If I experience a mysterious medical symptom, I look it up online. If I get lost on the road, I look at the GPS. I don’t live a life of dependence upon my Heavenly Father. Prayer is not my first instinct. Only when things get beyond my control do I stop and pray.

But I wonder, what would my faith look like if I prayed for everything? What if I prayed when I plan a school lesson? What if I prayed for parking spots? What if I prayed in the midst of our rushing around in the mornings? What if I prayed for opportunities to see God answer my prayers?

And then I think about all those things I just assume are unfixable and rarely stop to pray about-like my allergies or my internet connection that works intermittently or my son’s aversion to vegetables. What if I gave all of those things to God too?

“Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy, and exalts God as wealthy.” John Piper in Desiring God.

The gospel of grace tells me that I cannot save myself. Jesus came to rescue me from sin and death. My everyday prayers are a reflection of this same truth. Not only do I need a Savior for my sins, I need a Father who hears and answers my prayers each day. Just as my children depend on me to provide for them, I need to depend on my Father to meet my every need. My heart’s posture needs to be bent low, humble, expectant, helpless and trusting that God cares about everything that burdens my heart. The more I depend on Him, the more I give to Him in prayer, the greater is His glory and fame.

I am giving up my independence and depending on the One who gives me life, breath, and everything else. Will you join me?

Seeking the Wonder

10. March 2013 · 3 comments · Categories: Gratitude Community, One Word

As you know, my “one word” this year is Seek. My heart’s desire this year is to seek God with all that I am. It’s only been two months, but my journey has been rich and filling. Yet there is still far to go. While in most travels we seek only the destination, I am seeking to enjoy the journey.

Recently, I’ve been convicted of my cynical heart. I often view the world through a half empty glass and respond to life circumstances with sarcasm and a “what did you expect?” kind of mentality.

But I want to wear different glasses. I want to seek the wonder of God. I want to be wonderstruck by His creation, by His power, His love, by all things little and all things great. My kids are easily impressed and fascinated by every new thing they learn. As an adult, it seems as though the more we know, the less in awe we are. There is less discovery and amazement and more boredom and cynicism. I want to recapture that amazement that my children have.

Like someone visiting the ocean for the first time, I want to be blown away by the magnificent wonder of who God is.

In fact, I live by the ocean but I rarely go there. I’ve become jaded. I take life for granted. I forget that all is grace and the simple fact that I breath in and exhale again is a wonder in and of itself. Each day is a gift, not a guarantee. The bed I lay in at night, the car I drive, my family, the friends I hang out with, all gifts of abundant grace. Because I don’t deserve a even a single thing.

And yet God give and gives. Amazing grace!

“The deeper we grow in the Spirit of Jesus Christ, the poorer we become - the more we realize that everything in life is a gift. The tenor of our lives becomes one of humble and joyful thanksgiving. Awareness of our poverty and ineptitude causes us to rejoice in the gift of being called out of darkness into wondrous light and translated into the kingdom of God’s beloved Son.” Brennan Manning in The Ragamuffin Gospel

To peel away my layers of cynicism, I need to get up close and see the glorious wonder of God from a different perspective. Instead of just looking at the landscape of life from a distance, I need to get near and look at the detailed brush strokes, the varying hues of color, and the creativity of the Artist. I need to get out my magnifying glass and see the marvelous design of this life He’s given me.

Because if I don’t, I’ll live as though I’ve seen it all and there is nothing left to see. Like someone who has been in church their entire lives and thinks they’ve heard it all, I don’t want my faith to become luke warm. I want it to be vibrant and alive. I don’t want my relationship with Christ to be like an old married couple who just tolerates each other, merely marking off the years. I want to be passionate about my love for Christ. And I want it to change me, shake me, and transform me.

As I continue in this journey, I am seeking Him and the wonder of who He is, the wonder of His love, the wonder of His creative works, and the wonder of His redemptive plan. I’m diving into His Word, seeking the wonder of His story. I’m seeking Him like a child in prayer, marveling at the way He answers and provides. I’m looking for Jesus in all the details of my daily life.

Because His grace is everywhere and all of life is grace.

“We should be astonished at the goodness of God, stunned that He should bother to call us by name, our mouths wide open at His love, bewildered that at this very moment we are standing on holy ground.” Brennan Manning in The Ragamuffin Gospel

What is causing you to wonder in amazement today?

Rejoicing at the wonder of grace in community (#2133-2145):

Life, breath, and everything else (Acts 17:25)

The feel of crisp cool air

Steam rising off the top of the pool

Being invited to contribute to a new project with the CBMW.

Courage

Reaching 1000 likes on my FB page

My son asking me to have a sleep over with him:)

The grace God has given my kids who’ve been sick the past month but have handled it well

The joy found in prayer

The lessons in faith I learn as we study missionaries in homeschool

Friends who pray for me and support me in this journey

Isaiah 43:19

Linking up with:

Seeking Him Through Pain

17. February 2013 · 7 comments · Categories: Anxiety, Depression, From the Inside Out, Gratitude Community, One Word

It came upon me quickly. Like someone sneaking up from behind, I was startled in surprise. My heart was heavy, my stomach was in knots and tears burned my eyes. Worrisome and hopeless thoughts swirled around in my mind.

Despair.

Depression has long been my tormentor. It is a dark cloud that most often there in the distance, reminding me that it could storm at any time. And then sometimes it grows into a vicious tempest, bringing with it dark thoughts and swirling emotions. Ironically, I had just been to my doctor and remarked on how long it had been since my last episode.

I told myself to stop-to stop thinking about what was bothering me. I tried to focus on getting my kids rounded up for bedtime. But the heaviness of despair followed me around the house. It whispered words untrue and bore down hard on my soul.

And then deep inside arose a desire, a strong thirst to be with God. I felt a desperate longing to just be in His presence and pour my burdens at His feet. I wanted to go into my room, shut the door and pray, but I couldn’t just then. So I prayed quick prayers, “God please help me” and got my boys into bed.

Then I ran straight into my Abba’s arms. I opened my prayer journal to scratch out my despair on paper. I emptied my heart of all that weighed me down and poured out all my worrisome thoughts at His feet. And as I wrote, the pages of my journal became damp with round droplets of tears.

I prayed through the gospel, reminding myself of who God is and who I am because of Christ. I reflected on all He has done for me, presenting my prayer wrapped in a gift of thanksgiving. Pausing between sentences, I waited for His response.

And He gave me what I came to seek, a peace that passes all understanding.

The power of prayer is strong. The more I seek Him, the more I want to seek Him. Being dependent and helpless before the throne is the only place I want to be. No matter how strong the despair or heavy the worries, I know that He is ready and able to take to them. It’s because He carried my greatest burden at the cross that I know He can handle all that weighs on me today. Also because of the cross, there’s nothing that can keep me from coming into His presence.

A note on writing prayers: It wasn’t until after I had children that I began to write my prayers in a journal. Having little ones always underfoot became a constant distraction to my prayers. Writing them down became a way for me to stay focused. Since then, my prayer life has only grown deeper and richer from the habit. Not only that, it has been a means of grace for me with my ongoing battle with the depressive thoughts in my mind. We’ve been talking about writing prayers in my ladies Bible study at my church. If it’s not something you have ever tried, I recommend it. This past week, the ladies and I decorated prayer journals. It was so fun!

Counting grace in community (#2108-2117):

thankful for the power of prayer

that I can seek Him no matter what is going on, He accepts me just as I am

that He took away my despair

that I can lean on Him every day

fun homeschool co-op playing with live lobsters

getting in to see the dr. to find out that my youngest has an ear and sinus infection

getting confirmation from the dr that it was a wise decision to take my son off of the medication that we believe caused him to be moody and nearly depressed

Making prayer journals with the ladies at Bible study this week-so much fun!

taking the boys to their first hockey game

Linking up today with these friends:

Come to Him Like a Child

27. January 2013 · 7 comments · Categories: Gratitude Community, One Word

This year I am calling “The Year of Seeking After God.” Seek is my ‘one word’ for the year. In my desire to seek after God, I hope to grow deeper in my prayer life. After all, prayer is one of the main ways to seek God. I mentioned last week that I’ve been reading a book on prayer with the ladies at my church. In A Praying Life: Connecting With God In A Distracting World, Paul Miller encourages us to stop trying to dress up our prayers to make them look good before approaching God. He suggests that we instead come to God like little children.

Children live and explore life on a different level than adults. They live in the moment, pausing to enjoy every little discovery, while we as adults bear the burdens of the world on our shoulders. They marvel at everything, even the seemingly insignificant and unimportant. From a slimy worm to a rock on the ground, from a lollipop at the bank to a silly joke they made up, children enjoy all of life. They voice excitement for any reason and hold nothing back. Children always say exactly what is on their minds, they don’t care about getting messy, and they love with passion.

To be like a child with God is to simply be free to come just as I am.

Yes, this is me:) Taken by my friend, Lisa Tarplee

Young children also know that they are helpless. They know that they us to meet their needs. It’s a given in their life that mommy and daddy are the ones they go to when they are hurt, hungry, sad, and afraid. And they call for us right away when they need help. ”Mommy, can I please have something to drink?” “Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom!” “Mommy, can you help me tie my shoes?”

Why can’t I be that way with my Abba?

I find it hard to be like a child in my relationship with my heavenly Father. I don’t live in the moment and fail to trust Him for the future. I rarely pause to enjoy the littlest blessings He provides. When I have a problem, I try to solve it on my own. When faced with a challenge, I worry and fret. And I don’t love Him with abandon or run to greet Him the way my son does my husband upon his return from work.

But I want to. I want to be like a child with my Abba. I want to trust Him completely for my every need. I want to believe that He knows what is best for me. I want to run free and wild in my faith and feel the wind of His love blow softly against my cheek. I want to share with Him all the little discoveries and experiences of my day. I want to laugh with joy, knowing that all my worries and cares are in His sovereign hands.

When it comes to praying like a child, I need to pray with great expectation. Instead of being a realist, I need to share with Him my hopes and dreams. I need to come to Him as I am, messes and all, and without shame. And those to-do lists, prayer programs, and proper sentence structure-I need to leave all those behind.

In A Praying Life: Connecting With God In A Distracting World, Miller also suggests that if there are worries or other distractions on our mind when we begin praying, we ought to pray about those concerns first. Or as Lewis wrote in Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer, “We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.” When we try to force those things out of our minds, they inevitably sneak back in and we spend our prayer time distracted. Like a child speaking out loud all the thoughts on their mind, we need to enter into prayer with all our disconnected thoughts and concerns.

It’s okay to pray messy, broken prayers because that’s exactly how we come to God through the gospel-messy and broken.

It is hard on my own to peel back the layers and find my inner child-like faith. But with Christ, all things are possible. When I focus on the freedom I have to just be myself with Him, my heart starts skipping with the release of all my worries. As I dwell on a Love so strong that He would enter into my messy life so that I could become a child of God, my heart begins to run with wild abandon. And before I know it, my heart is soaring on the winds of grace as a beloved child of my Father.

Giving thanks in community (#2060-2073):

seeking Him in prayer

learning and growing

faith talks with my oldest

kindness from new friends

being amazed by grace

doing spelling words with Scrabble Cheez-its in homeschool-a big hit!

peace of heart

answered prayers and miracles

encouraging emails from complete strangers

my husband and kids going to my in-laws for the night

a whole 24 hours to myself!

a girl’s night out with friends

strawberry season in Florida

Linking up today with these friends:

Seeking Him Through Prayer

20. January 2013 · 13 comments · Categories: Gratitude Community, One Word

It’s a new year and a new semester for bible studies at my church. Sitting with the ladies in our study last week, I listened to each person share their thoughts and struggles with prayer. Nodding my head at each comment, I realized that we all were on the same journey. Prayer is a mysterious thing, one we often wonder if we’ll ever figure out.

And then one friend asked “What do you think the purpose of prayer is?”

Good question.

This year my heart’s one word focus is on seeking Christ. He promises that if I seek him with all my heart, I will find him. So it’s no coincidence that I chose a book on prayer to go through with the ladies at my church this semester. Prayer is a key component to my seeking him and I hope to explore deeper into the heart of prayer this year in an effort to join in the divine conversation with my Heavenly Father.

For much of my life, I’ve used prayer like a heavenly candy machine. I told God everything I wanted and then waited for it all to fall into my waiting hands. When I didn’t get what I asked for, I despaired and wondered where I went wrong.

I’ve also treated prayer like a duty, a chore to be completed every day. I had my method and my checklist and I felt good when I prayed correctly and guilty when I didn’t.

And then there were the times when I barely gave prayer a thought, unless I was facing a trial or challenge of some kind. Then I prayed and expected Him to be right there, anxiously waiting to answer my request, like my own personal butler, always at my service.

But then things changed in my relationship with God and my prayers started to change as a result. I began to see prayer as an opportunity to spend time with a person, my best friend. I found it not as a means to an end, but the end itself, a way into the very presence of my Abba. I found prayer to be a still place to sit in his presence and feel the warmth of his grace.

Most importantly, I’ve come to see prayer as the door that leads to the Source of all I ever wanted-not to my supplier of all I want, because all I ever wanted was the Source himself. It is God my soul needs most, not what he can give me.

This kind of prayer is relational. It’s about getting to know my Abba. It’s about communion and connection with my Savior. It’s about me being me and God meeting me right where I am. It’s about being still, listening more than talking, and seeking more than asking. It’s about removing all the unimportant things in my heart that get in the way of communion with him. It’s about wanting to be with him more than wanting anything he can give me.

Seeking God in prayer then becomes a daily death of myself and a humble posture of my heart. It requires a laying down of my daily burdens and a picking up of the weightless yoke of Christ. Praying this way means I sacrifice my will and expectations, submitting to the work of the Surgeon’s hands upon my heart.

And so I talk to Him all day. I share the thoughts and feelings on my heart, telling him where I am at that moment in my relationship with him. I come to him as I am, messes and all. I evaluate and purge what’s going on in my heart that keeps me from him. I reflect on what the gospel means to me and how I need it more today than I needed it the day before. I voice my worries, concerns, fears, hopes and dreams. I focus on him as the first thing and then on the second things, like my wants and needs second. And I dwell on the amazing grace and mercy of the One who made it possible for me to enter into the holy of holy’s.

Because prayer goes hand in hand with my growth in holiness, it is an ongoing journey of transformation, of change, of ups and downs, of brokenness and adulation, of peeling back layers and going deeper. My prayers change as I change. Whatever is happening in my heart comes out in prayer, the good, bad, and ugly. But no matter how messy my life gets this year, I know that the gospel cleanses not only myself, but each and every imperfect prayer I pray.

As I seek God this year, I face prayer with great expectation. I look forward to learning more and growing more in my prayer life. I anticipate new discoveries, new depths to plumb, and new riches of grace to explore in my prayers with God. And I know I will find him, when I seek him with all my heart.

How about you? What lessons do you hope to learn and grow in this year?

Giving thanks in community for new journeys (#2043-2059):

my ladies bible study starting up again

studying prayer using this book: A Praying Life: Connecting With God In A Distracting World

expectations for a deeper, fuller prayer life

having such beautiful friends to walk with in the journey

coupon for a free coffee

watching my kids battle their sin and overcome it

writing for hours at Panera

my husband finally getting a new (used) car

seeing patience in my oldest

learning a new game in homeschool for our study of Africa-mancala

leftovers

watching old Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys dvds with my kids

the boys testing for their yellow belts in Tae Kwon Do

doors that open when I least expect it

being humbled by my own words

hosting new church visitors for dinner

Linking up with these friends:

In All the Small Things

15. January 2013 · 6 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word, Spiritual Growth

It only takes a few weeks after the new year begins before we realize that intention and resolve alone fail to change our lives.

The new year is filled with great intentions and hopes for change but too often we reach the middle of January having already failed.

This is because a goal is not the same thing as a wish. That is, a goal to lose weight with no plan in place to do that, fails at the first buffet restaurant we visit. A goal to read the Bible in a year without a reading plan in place won’t get us past Leviticus. Resolving to spend less money without a budget will only result in greater debt.

Goals for change always require specific steps that we take to reach those goals. In fact, most goals require sub goals, followed by specific steps and actions. As much as we wish otherwise, our broad goals are reached, not by amazing leaps and bounds, but by daily actions in the small things.

In today’s world, we are used to instantaneous answers, quick responses, and fast results. We can get our packages in two days, our messages responded to in two minutes, and our questions to Siri answered in two seconds. We don’t know what it is to wait two months to receive a letter via the pony express. We expect immediate results and are irritated when we don’t get it.

What we don’t realize is that the greater lessons are learned in the process of reaching our goal. While a momentous life changing event is wonderful and transforming, most of us don’t experience those kind of events but a few times in our lives. Maybe never. Most of our days are filled with the mundane, with responsibilities, boring duties, and thankless chores. It’s in those mundane and daily responsibilities where faith is lived out. It’s in seeking God in all the small decisions, responses, and actions where the real change occurs. It’s in facing the obstacles, working through problems, and getting messy in the process that God works to transform us.

It happens when we face each and every mess of the day through the power of the gospel. It happens when we fold laundry, giving thanks for the people God has given to us to love and serve. It happens when we say yes to God today and obey him now rather than wait for a different life circumstance or situation. It’s in saying no to the distractions of life and sitting down to play with our children. It’s in giving a kind word when the lady at the store is rude to us because we know that Jesus endured worse for our sakes. It’s in saying no to the tempting afternoon snack and spending time in the word instead because we know it feeds our starving soul.

When we seek to live intentionally for Christ in all the small moments and little decisions of our lives, it adds up to the greater changes we hope for.

My one word for this year is Seek. As I pursue this word and explore it’s meaning, I could quite possibly let the whole year go by and never really find the One I seek. I could wait and hope for one big event, epiphany, or life changing moment. I could remain in place, hoping that everything in my life lines up just right, making my journey quick and simple.

The questions is, will I miss out on all that I can learn and grow this year by passing on the little opportunities that come my way each day? Will I only seek God in the big things and not in all the little wonders of every day? Will I come to the end of the year and find that I didn’t go past the front door in my journey to seek him?

As I invest in this journey, as I seek God with all my heart this year, I need to take specific, small steps forward. There are a few steps I’ve started on and ones that I can take every day:

1. Social media is a big distraction for me (isn’t for everyone?). I am committing to not join the blogging community on the weekends. I will schedule in advance any posts or FB statuses that fall on the weekend. I will use my weekends to focus on rest, reading, and communing with God, friends, and family.

2. Checking email takes up a lot of time as well and keeps me from doing more important things. I am asking most places to take me off their email list. If I want to buy something from a store, I can look it up on my own. Receiving notices every day of the latest sale only keeps me focused on accumulating more things. And the more I accumulate, the less room I have in my life for God.

3. They say that we can only effectively manage a few things well. When our hands are involved in too many projects, nothing is done well. I am weeding out things in my life that are not necessary, focusing on what I can do best. I am simplifying, prioritizing, condensing, and narrowing my focus.

Do you have goals or a “one word” for this year? Have you developed specific small steps to lead you to that goal?

Linking up with:

One Word: Seek

02. January 2013 · 18 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word · Tags: One Word

Happy New Year! I am back from my time of rest and celebration of Christ’s birth. As I turn the page into a new chapter of my life, I’ve been reflective on the past year and expectant of what God has planned for me in 2013. Below are some of my hopes and goals as I continue in this journey of faith. It’s that time of year again. The time where we pack up the decorations, place the now dead tree at the side of the road, and store the rolls of red and green wrapping paper until next year.

After a couple of months spent in celebration and indulgence, we are more than ready to get back into routine. And with that resolve to get our lives in order comes the ever popular “New Year’s Resolution.”

While I have a few goals and projects I’d like to complete this year, and I definitely need to get more organized, instead of the typical New Year’s Resolutions, I like to choose a verse as my heart’s focus for the year. And this year, I’ve chosen Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Summarized in one word: Seek.

This year, I want to seek Him in newer, deeper, and richer ways. I want to seek Him in the daily tasks of life and in the boring and monotonous duties and responsibilities. I want to seek Him in the difficult challenges, the trials, and the hardships of life. I want to seek Him in the cloudy fog of dark and stormy days and in the bright sunshine of joy-filled days. I want to seek Him in prayer and His Word, in quiet meditation, and in silent contemplation.

I want to seek Him with all my heart, not for the first time, but maybe like it is for the very first time.

I’ve thought about the wise men who traveled far to worship a baby king. With only a star to guide them and a belief that they would find what they longed for, they left their homes and journeyed for thousands of miles, seeking to simply see Him. I also think of Simeon and Anna who waited their whole life to see the promised Savior. Though old and frail, they were faithful and waited for the day when they would see the One they believed would come. And then there’s David, who said in Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.”

I want a heart that seeks after God, no matter the distance, no matter how long, and above any other want or desire.

This year, I want to go to great lengths to seek Him. I want to seek Him above everything else, putting aside anything that distracts me or pulls me away. I want to persevere and seek Him even when it seems like He is silent. I want God to be my heart’s complete focus and only desire.

And so, dear friends, I hope you’ll join me here and walk alongside me in this journey. As always, I will share what He is doing in my own story of redemption-from the inside out. Life is messy, I’m not perfect, and it’s Christ’s grace that covers me everyday. You’ll continue to see my life as it is, transparent and real-the only way I know how. Will you seek Him with me?

What has God put on your heart this new year? I’d love to hear!

A special thanks to my friend Melanie at Only A Breath for her kindness in making my one word button!

Linking up with:

Gospel Prayer

When You Need a Little Peace

When Life is Disappointing

Giving Up My Independence

Seeking the Wonder

Seeking Him Through Pain

Come to Him Like a Child

Yes, this is me:) Taken by my friend, Lisa Tarplee

Seeking Him Through Prayer

In All the Small Things

One Word: Seek

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