Recently, our family participated in a photo scavenger hunt with our church. One of the challenges was to dress up as superheros and pretend to rescue our pastor. Towels and pillowcases became capes. Old shirts were turned inside out and painted with names like, “Super Mommy” and “Lightning Ian.” And what costume is complete without a mask?
Playing dress up and pretending to be someone else is fun. But even children know it is just pretend. They know they have not actually transformed into Superman or Batman.
In reality, many of us play dress up every day. We may be so used to wearing our costumes that we don’t realize we have one on. When someone asks how we are doing and we smile and say, “Fine”, but inside we are crying, we are in fact pretending. When we act like our life is great while our world is crumbling down around us, we are pretending. When we fear to open up to others about who we really are, we are pretending.
I am often a pretender.
I wear masks and pretend to be someone I am not. Fearing what other people may think, I hide my pain and struggles. Instead of talking about my fears and doubts, I talk about the weather, a new sale at the store, or the latest tv show. Rather than admit my failures or shame, I keep them hidden behind shallow conversation and a painted on smile.
While small talk is a cultural and often necessary part of conversation, it shouldn’t always stay there. At some point, friendship should go deeper. In fact, it needs to go deeper. Certainly not with every person we meet, but there should always be people in our lives with whom we are real. We needs to have friends with whom we share our true, authentic selves.
Why be real? God gave us each other in the Body of Christ to encourage and spur one another on (Hebrews 10:24). We are instructed to “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13) How can we do that if we don’t know each others struggles? How can we do that if we pretend that everything is great? It is when we are transparent and authentic with other believers that we live out the call to “love one another deeply, from the heart.” (1 Peter 1:22)
It’s not easy though. The times when I have taken off my mask to someone else has been quite painful. Like ripping a scab off before it has healed, removing a mask often reveals raw wounds, ugly sin, and oozing emotions. Once removed, we have to endure the heavy blanket of silence while we wait for the other person’s response. What if they react to the ugliness? What if the messes in our lives turn our friends away? What if they don’t reciprocate?
I have lived both with my mask on and with it off and I prefer to live without it. While I have been rejected or the other person doesn’t in turn share their true self with me, the acceptance and love I have received from those who do more than makes up for it. Remembering that Jesus also faced rejection gives me courage. Knowing that His closest and best friends turned away from Him at the time when He needed it most, helps me to face my rejections. And knowing that Christ always accepts me gives me strength to risk being authentic with other people, because no matter how they respond, I know I will never be rejected by Him.
Putting on costumes and playing dress up is fun. But playing dress up with our hearts is not. We need to be real so that others can help us heal. Removing the mask, while painful, is necessary for growth. By having authentic relationships, we help one another move forward in holiness, to become who we really are. We are all fellow travellers on this journey toward the Celestial City. Each of us is fallen and sinful, it makes no sense to pretend otherwise. Let’s stop pretending, remove our masks, and do life together–for real.
(And I am sharing the above embarrassing photo with you because I know you will only love me:)
Linking up with:
and Intentional.Me
One of the great things I’ve realized about getting old(er) is that I feel less pressure to pretend. I figure I’ve made lots of mistakes and gotten a lot of things wrong, and if anyone is able to learn from my example then maybe the experience wasn’t a total waste
Still, I find thin layers of veneer clinging. Even when I think I’ve been authentic and honest with the people in my life, it doesn’t take much stress to reveal another deep layer of ugliness. Thankfully I can’t hide any of it from Jesus. And he’s committed to peeling back every single layer until I’ve been made completely new.
Amen!!!!
Amen. I find that to be true as well. And I’m hoping the older I get, the more true it is for me. And yes, we can’t hide anything from Him. But He accepts us just the same. So thankful for His grace as He pulls back those layers. Thanks, Nancy!
Oh my sweet friend.
I love your heart – so very much!!
And your blog looks gorgeous!! Love the new look!!
Thanks, Meredith! And I love your heart:)
Christina,
visiting from Be Not Weary (www.lorihatcher.com).
You are right when you say that the rewards of transparency are worth the risk. The depth of relationship I find when I make myself vulnerable and someone responds in kind is a priceless treasure. Thanks so much for reminding me of this
It is worth the risk. It’s just taking that first step… So glad you visited!
Christina, I just found your blog through WLWW and am so happy I did. Very cute and I love that you show your heart to your readers! Keep spreading the Word!
Thank you! I’m so glad you stopped by. I love meeting new friends:)
Taking off the mask. The easiest to talk about, yet the hardest thing to do. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Oh yes, definitely easier to talk about! Praying for His strength to do it!
This is the cry of my heart … That we could all be really real, and then that we would accept others when they ARE real. That we would walk alongside people who are vulnerable … That we would join them at the foot of the cross.
Oh yes, it’s one thing to open up and be real to others. It’s another to accept their real self. May we be just as gracious to others as we want them to be to us. Thanks, Jennifer!
I’m totally sold out on being authentic. Of course, sometimes my mind knows what is right to do and my ego wants to go in another direction altogether! But it’s that daily dying to self and living surrendered to Christ that I’m focusing on. Thanks for helping me to focus in that direction this morning, Christina!
Yes! You said it well, daily dying to self and living surrendered to Christ. It’s only through Him that we can live authentic lives. Blessings to you!
Being real sounds so simple…and is sometimes so hard…
Thanks for sharing!
So true, Joe. Only through His grace… Blessings!
Oh how I celebrate your heart’s desire for us all to be real, authentic and genuinely who we were created to be. Thank you for this post. It is a freeing place to live. And it is a wonderful way to do relationships with others. Your words are beautiful here. Visiting today from Jennifer’s. Here’s to removing the mask more. Thanks for this post.
I’m so glad you visited! Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. May we all take more steps toward removing more and more of that mask.
Such a beautiful post! (It reminded me of Grace for the Good Girl, but hit even closer to home than the book did.) I struggle with this, too – probably more often than I even know. It’s so easy to just pretend, so difficult to be real with people, especially when they’re standing right there with you and you’re worried about what they’ll think, terrified that they’ll run away if you tell them what’s on your heart. It’s so beautiful, though, to take off the mask and find that there are friends who will never leave you, and people who are just as broken as you are. This was such a wonderful reminder for me. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Mary! Grace for the Good Girl is on my wish list, hopefully I’ll read it soon. There are more people than we realize who are broken and wounded like we are. There’s only one way to find out who they are…
Ha, I’m with Mary–this reminded me of Grace for the Good Girl. I find myself being very aware of whether I’m being me or pretending since reading that book. It never occurred to me that acting like the “perfect good girl” was pretending just the same..
Thanks for linking up!
MB
I’ve heard wonderful things about that book. It’s on my wish list but I haven’t read it yet:) Thanks for stopping by!
I have it on Kindle if you want to borrow sometime–that is if it’s borrowable. Some aren’t! Just let me know!
Thanks so much for linking up Christina!!
I, too, have lived with a mask. It can be draining. “We never need to play dress up with our heart.” Love that!
I love the photo! So fun
Being real is scary and sometimes unpredictable… as we wait to see if others will still accept us, will change the subject, or will walk away. More often than not I’m accepted when I fear being rejected.
TRUE friendship has been used by our Healer to restore me and draw me closer to Him in ways I’d never imagined. Being authentic takes courage, but it’s much easier than living without close relationships. And you are right, the few that return the authenticity far make up for any that might not.
Great post and much needed in our circles today!
You really get me, don’t you, Christina… I’ve struggled on and off with this whole mask thing. Usually I struggle with I’m with a group of people I love that I know aren’t Christians or aren’t living the way I feel the Bible wants us to. And I don’t want to push them away with my passion for Him. know what I mean? But that comes off all wrong, too. For I’m trying to show Jesus’ love without introducing Him in the first place. ugh.
thanks for stirring my heart. I think I need to work on this…
(and p.s. I just realized all my posts I get of yours via email were going to my spam! they don’t say they’re from to show them Jesus anymore, just say from wordpress.com. Now I know and won’t miss anything!)
this is a needed post.
been thinking about Jesus washing all the ugly off those disciples’ feet. sometimes it feels safer to trust only Him with our ugly instead of another person — like you said — who might reject us. but Jesus didn’t just wash them and say “there you go!” no. He said that we should do it for each other.
so often we prefer keep our grime and dirt and smell safely tucked under the table, rather than have our brother or sister wash us. oh, what we miss when we do.
thanks, friend for some great thoughts.
bless you.
It is important to remember to take off the mask around those people in our lives that God placed there to help us – I try to remember to not answer fine when these people ask how life is. By giving them a more specific answer I’m helping to build that deeper relationship so there is a foundation ready when that relationship is needed.
Great post – so glad you shared it.
Marissa @ forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
One of the elements is that when someone asks how I am I tend to tell them the truth… and I see people sometimes respond that they aren’t sure what to say. I really have a hard time always saying, “I’m fine” when I’m not.
You “covered” this quite well. Good thinking, good sharing.
The subject of being real continues to be a hot topic around the blogosphere, as I keep bumping into posts on it. I love your perspective about how Jesus responds to being real. Thanks for sharing! Come link up to the Keeping It Real, From the Heart link up on August 30th at http://www.moretobe.com … love to have your voice heard.