The sun shines bright; the air is like a thick blanket of moisture. Towels are hanging on the porch to dry and tracks of wet footprints are all throughout the house. Summer is here.
With the arrival of summer, I’ve realized that it’s been six months since my last battle with depression. It was in the midst of winter when the darkness swallowed me. At the very bottom of the pit, I was surrounded by lies, encircling me like vultures narrowing in on roadkill.
It wasn’t the first time and I know it won’t be the last. Depression has stalked me since adolescence. I don’t always know in advance of its arrival, sometimes it comes like a thief in the night. Yet, each time I battle against it, my faith grows stronger.
This last time, despite the despair and sorrow that threatened to push me to the brink, I waited patiently for the Lord. Even in the darkest midnight, the sun will soon rise. I walked sightless, counting graces like the blind count footsteps between obstacles. I knew that continuing to count the ways God loves would lead me to the light of day. I knew that I would soon see His hand reaching in to pull me out. And He did.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.
This counting that I do here each week, it keeps me moving ever closer to Him. It’s not a magic pill nor a ten-step approach to freedom from depression. Rather, counting His goodness takes the focus off of me and onto the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. It points me to the hope I have in Christ and to the eternal hope I have in heaven, where all tears will be wiped away forever.
Most likely, I will continue to battle the lies of depression. I know that it is one of the ways God uses to refine me. He uses it to empty me of all that keeps me from Him. I’ve also learned many things in that dark place. I’ve learned that you have to be lost before you can be found. You have to endure sickness before you can be healed. You have become thirsty before you can drink of the living water. You have to sink in the waves before He can calm the sea. And you have to die before you can live a new life.
There is still much for me to learn, but no matter the weather, sunshine or rain, I will continue to count His grace.
that He always find me and pulls me out
that His light is always brighter than the deepest darkness
water parks, pools, and beaches to cool off in
Having some of our closest friends over for a BBQ on Memorial Day
rain stopping just in time for the kids to swim
comforting my little guy after his toes got caught under a door
thankful it didn’t require us going to the dr
a gift card to the book store!
planning meeting with our friends who are vacationing with us next month
Finally creating a Facebook page for To Show Them Jesus–won’t you stop by?
Girls night in–watching We Bought a Zoo with some of my besties
kids touching sea creatures at the nature center–they are braver than I!
going to our brand new local water park for the first time
my new C.S. Lewis quote of the day app on my phone
finishing my read through the Bible and starting over again in Genesis
That nothing thwart’s His plans and they are all for a reason
I knew there was a reason I had boys and not girls: frogs in the mailbox and my little Ian went and got the mail for me:)
Church fellowship at the causeway
A sweet blogging friend and her prayers for me