The sun shines bright; the air is like a thick blanket of moisture. Towels are hanging on the porch to dry and tracks of wet footprints are all throughout the house. Summer is here.
With the arrival of summer, I’ve realized that it’s been six months since my last battle with depression. It was in the midst of winter when the darkness swallowed me. At the very bottom of the pit, I was surrounded by lies, encircling me like vultures narrowing in on roadkill.
It wasn’t the first time and I know it won’t be the last. Depression has stalked me since adolescence. I don’t always know in advance of its arrival, sometimes it comes like a thief in the night. Yet, each time I battle against it, my faith grows stronger.
This last time, despite the despair and sorrow that threatened to push me to the brink, I waited patiently for the Lord. Even in the darkest midnight, the sun will soon rise. I walked sightless, counting graces like the blind count footsteps between obstacles. I knew that continuing to count the ways God loves would lead me to the light of day. I knew that I would soon see His hand reaching in to pull me out. And He did.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3
This counting that I do here each week, it keeps me moving ever closer to Him. It’s not a magic pill nor a ten-step approach to freedom from depression. Rather, counting His goodness takes the focus off of me and onto the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. It points me to the hope I have in Christ and to the eternal hope I have in heaven, where all tears will be wiped away forever.
Most likely, I will continue to battle the lies of depression. I know that it is one of the ways God uses to refine me. He uses it to empty me of all that keeps me from Him. I’ve also learned many things in that dark place. I’ve learned that you have to be lost before you can be found. You have to endure sickness before you can be healed. You have become thirsty before you can drink of the living water. You have to sink in the waves before He can calm the sea. And you have to die before you can live a new life.
There is still much for me to learn, but no matter the weather, sunshine or rain, I will continue to count His grace.
Counting #1555-1576
that He always find me and pulls me out
that His light is always brighter than the deepest darkness
water parks, pools, and beaches to cool off in
Having some of our closest friends over for a BBQ on Memorial Day
marshmallow salad
rain stopping just in time for the kids to swim
comforting my little guy after his toes got caught under a door
thankful it didn’t require us going to the dr
a gift card to the book store!
planning meeting with our friends who are vacationing with us next month
Finally creating a Facebook page for To Show Them Jesus–won’t you stop by?
Girls night in–watching We Bought a Zoo with some of my besties
homemade popcorn
kids touching sea creatures at the nature center–they are braver than I!
going to our brand new local water park for the first time
my new C.S. Lewis quote of the day app on my phone
finishing my read through the Bible and starting over again in Genesis
That nothing thwart’s His plans and they are all for a reason
I knew there was a reason I had boys and not girls: frogs in the mailbox and my little Ian went and got the mail for me:)
Church fellowship at the causeway
A sweet blogging friend and her prayers for me
Linking up with:
“I knew that continuing to count the ways God loves would lead me to the light of day” oh yes. what a powerful lesson to learn. and the enemy hangs his head in shame….
and a gift card to a bookstore — I cannot think of a better present!
picturing your mailbox made me smile. ; )
and I am honored to pray for you, friend. You’ve made my gift list, too…
All for Him with hugs to you,
Nikki
You have been such a God sent blessing to me!
I also loved reading your beautiful list of blessings. May we always remember to turn toward His wonderful light as we travel down life’s pathways. Just wanted you to know that I too am praying for you and I am so glad to have discovered your blog thanks to Nikki’s prayer project. Have a beautiful day!
Thank you so much! And it’s nice to “meet” you:)
“I’ve learned that you have to be lost before you can be found. You have to endure sickness before you can be healed. You have become thirsty before you can drink of the living water. You have to sink in the waves before He can calm the sea. And you have to die before you can live a new life.”
Christina, this is just beautiful. May the God of all peace and comfort be always near your heart, healing, restoring, loving, blessing.
Thank you. And may He bless you as well!
I love the way that His light shines through you and does so the brightest during times you can hardly see straight. His hand is so evident, His love so obvious, His working so promising to me when I see how He holds you. I love when you share this part of your heart with us. God uses it to encourage me and strengthen me.
Also, I love this list and so happy to share in much of these graces with you, dear sister.
It is a blessing to have friends I can be myself with. So glad you are in this journey with me:)
Thank you for this beautiful post. Even when we can’t feel the Lord with us we still wait for he is there.
Oh, Christina, I’ve battled those waves of depression before, too. Not often- but I will never forget what if feels like to sink beneath those lies. My sister has lived with that battle for decades and I have seen in her the deep growth and unfaltering faith that you show. I am in awe of your grace and your attitude toward the hard things. Praying for you and thankful for this post. I’m passing it on to my sis right now!
Alicia, thank you for your sweet words of grace. It’s always He who lifts me up to stand. So glad you stopped by!
Beautiful, beautiful…I want to recommend you check out
.
http://www.weakandloved.com…Emily is a wonderful writer and I think you’d love her posts! She’s also on fb
Clicked on the link for your friend…wow, great link-thanks!
…and still GLAD YOU’RE ON FB
Blessings,
michy
I can soooo relate to the depths of depression, and someone saying that I wasn’t praying enough. Or asking me if I was going to give up and homeschooling and “quit” on my kids. The enemy can use others so well during depression.
Depression can make us so weary. So good that you are saturating yourself in God’s Word. May you soak up every verse that will give you hope for each day.
Yes, so very weary! But His word gives me strength to fly in the shadow of His wings. Blessings!
Christina…thanks for sharing here…my youngest daughter has some very real hormonal swings right now…espeically right before she starts…counting has helped her right now…Ann’s words…you can only feel one emotion at a time…I encourage my daughter to use her pen to hammer in those truths about God…driving out those lies that seem so real in those dark moments. He is faithful…never leaves or forsakes…He does find us and rescue us…blessings and I am thankful for the Sonshining in your life~
I love what you say here. So true that the best way to pull out of depression is start with giving thanks so the focus shifts from me. I’m doing that alot lately. Glad summer has arrived with all her vibrant joy. You gift list just spills with that.
I loved this. “Rather, counting His goodness takes the focus off of me and onto the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. ” This is why I count my blessings! Thank you again for helping me. Have a wonderful day!
Blessings~
Shari
I know the same darkness. Thankful that His Light is brighter. Hugs.
To see Him, even in the darkness, is everything I need. Thanks for blessing me with your comment. Blessings to you!
A gift card to the bookstore–the perfect gift! Depression is difficult, but I like what you said–it brings you closer to God. I think it’s easier to be depressed in the winter…until the sun — or SON–comes to warm us.
Oh, I wouldn’t be able or brave enough to hold that sea creature!! Once again, an eloquent, lovely post that I can relate to. Your words are wonderful, your insight a beautiful lesson. Thanks for sharing your list…and what good books did you find with your gift card?
It’s amazing how when we stop and record all the gifts we are given our hearts start to open up. When our hearts are closed we don’t allow God’s love to enter.
I really enjoyed reading your list. It is so true that God is there for us even during our darkest time.
“Rather, counting His goodness takes the focus off of me and onto the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. It points me to the hope I have in Christ and to the eternal hope I have in heaven, where all tears will be wiped away forever.”
–I know this same thought. I loved your list!
My kids loved the pics of your kiddos swimming, they want to “have a playdate”. I laughed and said, “maybe the next time we are in Florida.”
That would be awesome! Maybe someday…
this counting of blessings. of joy even in the midst of pain. what a gift. thank you for sharing that with us!
Oh my goodness – I love your pics. They are all so precious and capture such summer fun perfectly. Enjoy those little ones and the ways they teach us of Jesus. Blessings!
How beautiful is God’s redemption and restoration! Love reading your list of how God has revealed His love to you. You are loved and precious to Him!
Stopped in from Laura’s Playdates and loved your photography, your words and your comments on our process of counting gifts. Will look for your Facebook page!
Mmm, counting – it does something, doesn’t it? Helps you focus on the grace it’s so easy to miss, rather than on the pain and sorrow we so much more easily see. And He is so faithful, using those hard, dark, difficult times to refine us, make us more like Him! Such truth here! Thank you for sharing.
Depression runs deep within my family, and I know this battle–and it is a battle. Counting gifts with Ann was one of the ways I learned to battle. I love your perspective–it’s not a magic pill or a twelve-step program. But it does train our eyes and hearts toward God and his goodness.
Enjoyed your list. Did you love We Bought a Zoo? I cried my way through it!
I did cry through the whole thing:)
What a beautiful and heartfelt post! Your faith, even through the darkest times, is truly an inspiration! May God continue to bless you abundantly!
Looks like a lot of fun
I love your perspective on depression. Sometimes it is so hard to see how God is using us.
What is marshmallow salad?
Oh it’s yummy! Marshmallows, walnuts, pineapple, pistachio pudding mix and cool whip.